Have you ever found yourself struggling to make a decision about your life? Ever stayed awake at night feeling stuck? There may well be three little triggers affecting your ablity to reach an outcome…I had the good fortune to listen to Rachel Clements speak on ABC Saturday Extra recently, and she was discussing the topic of trauma and adversity. The exciting thing about her talk was not so much the factors that touched on resilience, but a reminder about the building blocks that can be the foundation for all our decision making.
If you find yourself tossing and turning at night because of stress or anxiety over an upcoming decision, turn on the light, grab a notepad and jot down three headings:
Firstly though, be prepared to get real. Be completely honest. Tell it exactly like it is. Know that the paper is for your eyes only, and you can always destroy it afterwards.
Write the problem, as a question, at the top of the page. For example, “Should I start this new work project?” or whatever is relevant to the problem. Then, list the following questions and jot down your honest answers;
Do I honestly believe I am worthy of this? Do I truly deserve it?
Do I truly believe I have the ability and all the skills needed to do it? Am I really capable of doing it?
What will happen if it doesn’t work out? What can I do about it?
It’s the inner chatter that builds stress levels around decision making. Conflict within ourselves happens when we don’t have alignment with the answers to all three questions. For example, you may feel you really deserve the promotion, but are scared you won’t know how to do the new job well. That’s a recipe for worry. Or, the reverse – knowing you have the skills for the job but not being able to actually ask for it is another source of anxiety.
To get a good night’s sleep when it comes to problem solving, we need to be able to honestly understand three key drivers;
- our self-esteem level
- our self-efficacy level
- the identification of our locus of control (internal or external?)
As Meatloaf loved to say, two outta three ain’t bad. However, it won’t give you a good night’s sleep. If you’re out of balance with one of your answers, give yourself some time to work on the area and then revisit the problem. People who sleep well even when confronted with major decisions usually think highly enough of themselves to be worthy, believe they are capable and know they can make changes if things don’t go as planned.
Next week I’ll share some ways to achieve balance in each of these key areas. Have a fabulous weekend everyone xx