Anybody over 40 can likely remember going to see Jerry Maguire. I think it was one of the biggest movies released in the late 1990’s and it was the ultimate romantic chick flick.
Do you remember the scene in the movie where they are in the lift and the deaf couple are signing to each other? The first time I heard the line “you complete me” I was enchanted. Hooked.
Now, nearing my 50th year I have realised how much damage that romantic notion has had on probably thousands of people. Here’s why:
Nobody else can complete you and if you constantly seek that out in others you will never have a peaceful life. Never.
The only person who can complete you is yourself.
Every time I have been angry at John, mad at my mother, moody with a friend or yelled at my kids it’s been because I have expected something from them and they didn’t deliver. In fact, I wasn’t looking for something in them, I was wishing I had more within myself. I wanted more attention, I wanted more cuddles, I wanted to be appreciated, I wanted to be respected.
I can’t get that from anybody else. I can only get it from myself. Other people will always be too preoccupied living their own lives!
Sure, I might strike it lucky and meet someone who is a natural “giver”. Admit it, you know who they are. These are the people who provide you with comfort, who spend their time telling you how terrific you are; telling you that you are wonderful; reassuring you that others simply don’t see your fabulousness.
If you need these people to get you through the day you are going to come undone at some stage.
These givers will become exhausted. They’ll hope for something in return and not receive it. Eventually they will give up on giving and rightfully so.
If I know how to complete myself, if I realise that everything I will ever need is already within myself – I just have to access it, I can be free to live a life of my choosing. I can relish romantic relationships; I can recover from disappointments faster and I can contribute to others without judgement or selfish motives. I complete me.