I never imagined that I would appreciate, or think of Jung’s word so much now that I am in my 40’s. His insight, however, has saved me a lot of angst. The program of my morning – for me my 20’s and 30’s, were perfect for me back then. My favourite movie in the late 80’s was Working Girl. Melanie Griffith climbs the corporate ladder from a lowly administration assistant to become a major powerplayer. It was my ambition being played out up there on the screen, and I had a plan to achieve it. My values regarding work included work hard, be educated, volunteer for extra projects and tackle every opportunity head on without wavering from the outcome. I loved it. I loved the sense of achievement every time I was promoted or head hunted for a new position. I learnt that those behaviours produced results.
The last few years have been tough for me. I didn’t heed Jung’s warning. I was a living example that what was great in the morning at evening will have become a lie. I was hanging onto old values and behaviours thinking they would produce old results. They didn’t. Like mutton dressed as lamb my old beliefs did not serve me well. It was fairly obvious to the world that all my effort to retain my “morning” was in vain. I became depressed and unwell. I had to learn to surrender. This wasn’t easy because I felt I had nothing else to cling to. To surrender would mean to be bound by nothing – have no sense of measurement, no real barometer for success or even faith in my own judgement. If the engine room of my thoughts was idling where would I get my power from? Who was I?
I never knew how liberating it would feel to be willing to surrender my old values and beliefs. To be willing to just be. I believe it was Wayne Dyer who explained the importance of being a human be-ing.It takes a lot of practice (and courage!) to not think 24/7. To accept without judgment. To love regardless of the possibility of rejection. To have an opinion even when it differs from others. To know that a smile is enough to make a difference in the world. To stop comparing myself to others. To not worry about the approval and acceptance of others. To not expect others to be responsible for my personal happiness. To give unconditionally always and consistently. Amazing. I have learnt that if I am willing to let go of my old values I can actually make room for new ones. Ones that serve me much better at this stage of my life.
I’ve taken some steps down this road and at the moment I am far from perfect. However, the journey has begun and the afternoon is looking pretty spectacular from here.