I’ve done everything I have been instructed to do. I’ve spent hours thinking about it. I even considered going to a group session to discuss it. It’s now time to face it…I’ve got worms, and I couldn’t be happier! In fact, when I first noticed them I let out a little whoop of joy! Finally things were looking up. Worms glorious worms – all through my garden.
I had spent the weekend living in a world of
“I should be… (insert self-comparison shaming situation here).”
You know, where it’s a glorious day, and a quick scan of your facebook wall tells you everyone is either outside running along the beach; sipping coffee in some cool cafe; socialising with friends; seeing the latest theatre or art show; or cycling in a fabulous forest.
Meanwhile, I was home, in my trackies, glasses on, hair like Medusa, trying to muster just enough energy to head to Woolies to replenish our dwindling toilet paper supply. Oh social media can be a tough master at times!
Battling with the idea of “I should be…” can be a real bugger because for me, I end up having an inner argument about not being good enough. Once I allow myself to go there I become snappy, edgy and looking to vent on others. Sometimes, I don’t even realise it’s happenning until later when I’m in a more contented space and I look back on past behaviour and begin to feel a tad guilty.
I get that if I want to feel different I have to do something different. Damn these glorious days and my guilt! I know that there’s no positive outcome when I battle with myself. It’s better to surrender – recognise my inner angst and love myself for doing something different. Time to head out to the garden. Perhaps some movement away from total apathy will make me feel better and there’s nothing more soothing and rewarding to me than extracting weeds. Yes, I have turned into an old person.
That’s when I discovered the worms. Lots of them. A gardener’s best friend. Even better I was out there with my son, Liam. Oh the joy of finding worms together. It was quite a moment. Forget the chai lattes, forget the sand between my toes, forget the cooling rainforest. I had worms, and that was good enough – happy times.